It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
