it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
