she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
