Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
