If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
