your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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