the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
