I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
