I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize