all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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