I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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