I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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