She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
