I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
