I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
