The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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