Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
