SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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