I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
