I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize