you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
