Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
