How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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