Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
