I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
