I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
