He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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