He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
