I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
