Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
