remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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