i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
