If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
