Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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