Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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