hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
