i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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