dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i drank out of a bidet.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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