i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
