i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
