just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently you make a good broom.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
