If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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