The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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