I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
