Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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