I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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