Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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