Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
