I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
