I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
