Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize