My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You made out with two different species that night
Still dying that you shit outside
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
