Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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