She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Can you bring me the toilet please
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
