Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
