Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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