So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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