Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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