Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
