the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize