He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
