I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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