In the future we'll all be gay
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
