Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
