i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
