HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
