hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
