so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
