Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize