Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you win again, gameday.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
