She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
