i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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