We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
