guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
