first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
