You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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