No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
