It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize