Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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