Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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