Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
