We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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