I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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