We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
