Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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