Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize