you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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