make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
