we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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