Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize