you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
