Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize