I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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