I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
