So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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