all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
