Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
