His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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