if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
