Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
