would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize