The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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