i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize