She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
